i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize