i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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