How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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