I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Mom said you looked used
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The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
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Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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