Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
