? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
What did we do last night that was yellow?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
