Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
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I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
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All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?