you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.