I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
