YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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