What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
