That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
