His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
