good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
