I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
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