So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
50% drunk capacity currently
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Randomize
