I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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