There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
