if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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