If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
