so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
