Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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