I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
