i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
