Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
