Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
