I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
