the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I hope mine doesn't look like that
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
