why didn't you poke me back
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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