john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
