If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
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Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
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There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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