I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
