there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
