I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
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And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
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This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.