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It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
birth control should be required to get into college
Dignity is for republicans.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Randomize
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