Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
