I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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