I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him