so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
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I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
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He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....