Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
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All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
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She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid