I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
