Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
