time to smoke my breakfast
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
