I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
