Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
