the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
