Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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