The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
