Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize