The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
