I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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