you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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