Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
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