Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
