Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
