He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
