i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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