I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
