Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
