I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
