is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
