i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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