I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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