but the lizard people decide everything anyway
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
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I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize