I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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