if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
