Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
