I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
