airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
