he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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