She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
