he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
