kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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