best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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