I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
