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the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
