I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
