I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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