If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
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I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
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The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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