this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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