I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
