just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
