I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
