I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
